Nothing pisses me off more than seeing the online world of fake Doms, and there is a reason they can only attempt that online. Possibly got all their tips and info from Fifty Shades of Grey.
Fifty Shades of Grey, unfortunately, created a narrative for these “Doms.” You can spot them on most kink-related dating apps; sometimes, they just randomly message unsuspecting victims on forums or community groups. Commanding them to do something straight off the bat, bitch please, I’ll eat you for breakfast.
The online world of fake Doms is vast, and they are everywhere. I started looking for them, and I must say I was shocked to see how many there actually were. A BDSM relationship is a unique relationship, and the depth of trust you will share with your partner will change your views on relationships in general.
If you are new to BDSM and looking for a Dom, you will know when you find a good Dom. A good Dom will first get to know you as a person, and they will never call you a pet name from the beginning or demand you address them with a title. After getting to know each other, they will discuss safe words and boundaries.
They will ease you into BDSM; they won’t just force you into a scene or dynamic. There is no trust established, and they, as a Dom, need to gain your trust. Submitting to a Dom is a gift you as a submissive give them; you decide when you are ready and comfortable to submit. Trust needs to be earned, and you need to feel safe and secure in your relationship, regardless if it is based online or in real life.
A Dom can not command someone to submit to them immediately. A bad Dom will ghost you once they have what they want, typically pictures and videos of you in graphic and compromising positions. They will try and say that you are a terrible sub for not submitting to them or sending them nudes. They just want to get off for the day, week, or month. There will be no commitment to you in the long run.
If you are looking for a Dom, pay attention and look out for red flags. If a Dom won’t share details about themself, they are probably married or in a relationship and looking for some fun on the side. You can’t trust someone who won’t share details about themselves with you, and you need to know who you are submitting to before a dynamic can start. Suppose they demand anything from you without this being discussed or agreed to, run. If they claim safewords aren’t necessary or that they don’t believe in them, run.
The online world of fake Doms often consists of abusers and predators posing as Doms. The most important thing you can do is take it slow. Get to know each other and trust your gut. If anything feels off or strange, discuss it. If they avoid specific issues or topics, the best is to end it and carry on looking for your Dom.
Don’t rush into a dynamic if you aren’t ready; take your time and enjoy the journey. You have a lifetime of BDSM ahead of you.
Originally published at https://www.wiseharsh.com on February 22, 2021.
