Everyone knows about sub drop, but dom drop is rarely discussed or considered real. Most doms won’t discuss this with their subs. They will typically retreat and go through the motions on their own.
I am a switch, so as lucky as I am to experience both sides of being a submissive and dominant, I have also experienced sub drop and dom drop. Both equally as shitty, I will admit, though, that I find dom drop much more challenging to deal with than sub drop.
In BDSM, often, the dynamic is just that a dynamic. You go into it stating that it is purely sexual and that no feelings are involved. However, it is furthest from the truth, and I have learned this over the last few years; feelings will always manifest, not always necessarily sexually, but over time you start caring for your partner. This goes hand in hand with BDSM, as your partner’s well-being is of the utmost importance to you.
A Dom will always look after their sub, and this is our role as a dominant. We care about their well-being and make sure they look after themselves; we make sure they eat healthily and hydrate before a scene or activity. We make sure that after a scene, they are comfortable and hydrated. We reassure them that they did well and they are so much more than a toy. Whatever aftercare they need, we provide no matter what; this is our responsibility as their dom.
As a dom, you plan the scene, and you get everything in place for your sub. In the build-up to the scene, you at times forget to take care of yourself before the scene. As a dom, depending on your dynamic, you could be humiliating, degrading, and beating your submissive. A person you care for and might have romantic feelings for in the dynamic.
It has a mental impact on doms. We are doing something to someone we care about, yes, it is consensual, but it goes against everything we were taught growing up as individuals. Often dom drop is mistaken for Madonna-Whore Complex, which is completely inaccurate.
The dom is the strong partner in the dynamic or relationship, and we often don’t share our feelings or thoughts on this with our partners as we don’t want to seem weak. However, we are all human, and everyone has insecurities about who and what they are. Doms also crash after a scene; we experience the same endorphins and adrenalin that a sub experiences. We, however, put that aside as we help our sub come down from subspace and as we get them comfortable. Often neglecting ourselves at that moment.
A dom needs aftercare, too. A submissive can assure them and discuss what they enjoyed about the activity or scene. Make sure that when you are replenishing that your dom is eating and drinking too. Do things you both enjoy, like watching a Netflix comedy or movie while enjoying take-out or a cooked meal. It creates a comfortable space and helps with dom drop.
Doms need assurance, too, and who better tell them how well they did and what they enjoyed most in the scene than their sub. BDSM is a shared experience and dynamic; both partners need aftercare no matter their role.
Originally published at https://www.wiseharsh.com.
